捕获外星诗人3》外星人的台北观察机密档案:黄裕邦〈众独〉

2020-07-11 950次浏览 265个评论
捕获外星诗人3》外星人的台北观察机密档案:黄裕邦〈众独〉

本诗为黄裕邦应邀担任2018台北诗歌节驻市诗人,为台北所写的作品。

众独

爸,世界是一条延长线,所以我无法解释我的选择,或者为何门上有兴奋欢乐的乳头。上面还挂着两只手。如果我告诉你门是我的身体,还有那双手是谁的,你愿意来我们的婚礼吗?你见过他。世界是一条延长线而我害怕。对我来说他的手有时候是边界,有时候是世界。继续下去的念头让我害怕,因为我知道什幺时候天亮 。现在,我明白你说少知是福是什幺意思了。我希望你知道他多一点。他依然跪在我身边直到一个字重新导向我心中。我的心知道什幺时候天亮。日子看着他停顿,而他看着我衡量道歉。我害怕。我们花了过去几个月量度告白和酥脆的秘密。世界是一条延长线。你没告诉我每个恋爱的人生下来就爱吃甜食,而他们把忧郁像芝麻卷往内摺。你没告诉我一场婚礼是取消分裂的理由或正是分裂的理由。我害怕。你愿意来我们的婚礼吗?我们会邀请女人:唐绮阳,张君雅和我们的妈妈,只要我的不走得像条易碎的细绳,而他的会限缩她问题的框架。如果我们的菜色是速食,你依然会来吗?祖乐比、麦克鸡块和其他吃起来像苔藓的垃圾,这样宾客们就无法分辨第一道和第二道菜的差别。我无法解释我的选择。我曾经尽量把自己展开,扩濶恋爱的平面。我无法解释我的选择。当我遇见他,他为我下厨。我们在考虑请阿妹来,并且在IG上直播(#soundbite #连名带姓 #靠__是失恋歌 #放弃)。你害怕吗?我们可以留你在镜头外,但带一条延长线来我们的婚礼。你见过他,但我没告诉你我们在小李子吃宵夜,也没告诉你台北用她呼吸的旋律重建了我们。我没告诉你当我们在仁爱路上牵手时,不必忍受路过的侧目。我吓到你吗?但还是带一条延长线来吧。我无法解释我的选择。我不再希望自己的人生像你的高球酒杯一样空洞。和他一起,我想看见光像蜂巢盘绕,并且听见它清脆的叮咚声。和他一起,我知道我的感觉,并渴望感觉到我知道。这些渴望的速率对你来说太快了吗?你也无法解释我的选择。有时候,看到彼此脸无修饰,华丽得像个胰脏会令人疼痛。有时候,我们这种人(即使已在热恋)会打扮成小丑去向陌生人说嗨。爸,世界根本不像一条延长线那幺有用。我希望你曾明确地告诉我是什幺驱动一场婚礼。是纯粹信念,还是像洪水的匆促?我希望你曾告诉我亲密可以是一扇刚装上的门。这次是真正的门。我不害怕,这令你害怕吗?如果我告诉你我希望你来见证我的机会,你会怎幺说?说愿意。我答应你我会停止小心翼翼地重複诉说我的故事。

林蔚昀 译
(特别鸣谢 香港诗人邓小桦协助诗作命题)

Onlys

Dad, the world is an extension cord, so I can’t explain my choice, or why there’re excitement-bright nipples on the door. There’re hands hanging on them. Would you come to our wedding if I tell you the door is my body and whose hands they’re? You’ve met him. The world is an extension cord & I’m scared. His hands are sometimes borders, sometimes the world to me. I’m scared of the very thought of carrying on because I know exactly when the day breaks. Now, I know what you mean by knowing less is a blessing. I want you to know more about him. He still kneels beside me until a word reroutes itself to my heart. It’s my heart that knows when the day breaks. The day watches him pause & he watches me weigh apologies. I’m scared. We spent the past few months measuring confessions & crunchy secrets. The world is an extension cord. You didn’t tell me each lover is born with a sweet tooth & they fold their sadness inwards like a sesame roll. You didn’t tell me a wedding is to undo a reason split or a reason to split. I’m scared. Would you come to our wedding? We’ll invite women: 唐绮阳, 张君雅 & our mothers, if mine doesn’t walk like a frail string & his restricts the frame of her questioning. Would you still come if we have a fast-food theme for catering? Jollibee, McNuggets & other lichen-like shit, so the guests can’t register the contrast of their first & second plates. I can’t explain my choice. I once spread myself as wide as possible to increase the catchment area for falling in love. I can’t explain my choice. When I met him, he cooked for me. We're thinking of inviting A-Mei & going live on IG (#soundbite #连名带姓 #靠__是失恋歌 #放弃). Are you scared? We can leave you out of the frame, but bring an extension cord to our wedding. You’ve met him, but I didn’t tell you our late supper at 小李子, or that Taipei rebuilt us with the tune of her breaths. I didn’t tell you we didn’t need to bear the brute strength of each passing eye when holding hands in 仁爱路. Did I scare you? Still, bring an extension cord. I can’t explain my choice. I no longer want my life emptied like the space within your highball glass. With him, I want to see a hive of light coiling & hear its tinkling sound. With him, I know how I feel and want to feel the knowing. Is the velocity of these wants too much for you? You can’t explain my choice, either. Sometimes, it’s hurtful seeing we’re barefaced & resplendent only as a spleen. Sometimes, people like us (despite already in love) dress up as clowns to say hello to strangers. Dad, the world isn’t useful like an extension cord at all. I wish you told me what drives a wedding specifically. Only an act of faith or a flood of rushing? I wish you told me intimacy could be a door just installed. A real door this time. Are you scared that I’m not? What if I tell you I want you to be there to face my chance? Say yes. I promise to stop re-telling you my story such carefully.

天裂
作者:黄裕邦(Nicholas Wong)  
出版:水煮鱼文化  
定价:320元
【内容简介➤】

作者简介:黄裕邦(Nicholas Wong)
2016年凭藉英语诗集 夺得美国LGBTQ文学奖——Lambda Literary Awards 男同志诗歌组别首奖,同年荣获香港艺术发展奖艺术新秀奖(文学艺术)。2017年获邀参与曼彻斯特国际艺术节广播项目“One of Two Stories, Or Both”,并于2018年5月参与何鸿毅家族基金中国艺术行动于纽约·古根汉美术馆举行的展览。